Tribute to a Queen…My Mommy.” November 9, 2008

I am…you

I’m you looking back

Just like you’re me looking forward

Yet I’m a more educated you

Just like you’re an uninformed me

 

I’m a better you

I’ve had a chance to look at your past and be apart of you’re present and future

Look at your wrongs and right them

Take your words of wisdom and use them

Decipher between the two and abuse them

 

I’ve cheated

Saw how you messed up and refuse to

See how you’ve achieved and aspire to

Seen when you were weak and despised

Seen you how strong you are and envy it

 

You’re a complicated me

You’ve taken the path and looked back

Seen the right road to far to get to and laid a track

Said, “Tiffani, you’re better than me, have a life better than me”

And I am

I have

Because of what of the example you’ve set and all that you’ve tried to be

 

You’ve failed

Who hasn’t?

You’ve risen

Not many do

 

It’s because of your resolve that I attribute my success to

Your determination to preserve in the name of me and all things marked future

When I could see past the present and be smart enough to

 

I am you

Every positive quality you possess

And every negative you struggle with

You’re constantly trying to better you

Inadvertently bettering me

After all, I’m aspiring to be a better you

So I salute you

The better you

The strong, God-fearing, loving, encouraging you

The complicated, at times unagreeable, stubborn you

Every part of you

After all, I’m only a better you

Only better because you made the mistakes and said, “Learn, Tiffani, so you can be the best you”

 

To my Mommy

My Janice

My Future-Me

I vow to make the Past-You proud

To be all the things that you had hoped to be

Achieve all the things you have planned for me

 

I am…you

I’m you looking back

Just like you’re me looking forward

I Love You

I Lost Me Yesterday

I lost me yesterday

Couldn’t find the damn thing everybody calls self for the life of…

Well, hell, me, if I could find me

 

I thought I saw me a couple of years ago when I was friends with the people who were more like enemies than friends

I had foolishly surrounded myself with people who couldn’t better me

Hell, they couldn’t better themselves

Yeah, I saw me then

Me then spent time trying to fit a mold

Me then was a young girl claiming to be a woman who knew something she didn’t

Yeah, I saw me then

 

Then I thought I saw me last year when I went on my Christian crusade determined to prove that I knew God personally

Yeah, I saw me then

Trying to prove something to people who probably didn’t know God even a tenth of what I do

Trying to show somebody that I’m not what they think I am

Yeah, I saw me then

 

And I could have sworn I saw me a couple of months ago when I decided to completely revamp myself

I lowered my shield of self-preservation and wore a pretty painted façade of kindness

Yeah, I saw me then

So convinced that when people said I was cold-hearted I needed to change, warm up and be the person they wanted me to be

I hated myself then

Struggling daily about whether or not, I was “too Tiffani”

Showing too much attitude

Being “too smart for my own good”

Yeah, I saw me then

 

Last time I remember seeing that thing called self was yesterday

 I decided to bow gracefully and become the wife you thought you could make me into

Yeah, I saw me then

Wearing shoes that were cute as hell and probably fit somebody else perfect

But

They weren’t for me

I couldn’t walk the walk or talk the talk of the gentle, kind-hearted, even-tempered person you wanted me to be

No matter how hard I tried for you

I couldn’t fit those damn shoes

Yeah, I saw me then

 

I lost me yesterday

Couldn’t find the damn thing everybody calls self for the life of…

Well, hell, me, if I could find me

 

But yesterday had to do as yesterdays do and sleep while today began as todays do

Yesterday had lulled me into a deep sleep of warm yester years of a yester-me

Wait…that must have been a hell of dream because

How could I forget…

Those warm yester years weren’t so peaceful,

And that shit just wasn’t cool

 

But today is well, today

And as I rise I look at the outer shell of myself and as cute as it is

It doesn’t satisfy me nearly as much as I thought

And today I have realized

That yesterdays can’t be redone, reworked or whatever other re- you can think of

So today is all I have

And tomorrow

But that shit’s too complicated so I’ll stick with today

And today I have found myself

I am at times shallow, selfish, rude, and mean

But there are more times that I’m witty, intelligent, determined, and beautiful

My self-actualization didn’t take some deep mediation that involved monks and soothing music

Yep, I figured it out in almost a minute

I’m me and no matter how much I change

I am constantly growing, evolving into the woman of God I was created to be

My evolution speaks volumes about my character

 

His Divine Recipe

 

His Divine Recipe

 

God created you just for me

His recipe was complex and tedious

Took time that I didn’t want to wait for

And created you just for me

 

He gathered handfuls of intellect to keep me mentally stimulated

Cupfuls of sensitivity to help me through my rough times

A dash of romance to keep me captivated

And sprinkles of maturity to help me grow into the woman I was destined to be

And let it all seep into a huge pot of love

 

I asked could I help because I was so eager

I had been waiting all my life for you

But he told me NO

That you were His creation

 

So I stood at the edge of the table and asked if you were done yet

He said NO

That you needed time to cook

So he turned up the heat and made you suffer

He brought you hard times, made you cry, and made you pray for help

I ran to Him and tried to turn off the torturing

He told me NO

That you had to endure to become the best that you could be

 

Ready to see His creation I asked yet again if you were done

He told me NO

That you had to be left alone to cool

I told Him that I didn’t want to leave you alone because you would be lonely

He told me that you needed to be kept in solitude so that once you were given to me you would possess the strength He knew you needed

 

I left you alone but ran back to watch you cool

I looked up at him and asked yet again

He said YES

That you had been through enough

You had been seasoned with perfection to be the best man you could

Cooked alive in sweltering heat to make sure you remained humble

And cooled in loneliness to form strength that withstood all tribulation

 

God created you just for me

His recipe was complex and tedious

Took time that I didn’t want to wait for

And created you just for me